9 Ways to Set Healthy Boundaries and Maintain Them

9 Ways to Set Healthy Boundaries and Maintain Them

Boundaries are important in our lives in order to have healthy relationships and careers.

Unfortunately,  many of us struggle with setting healthy boundaries in our emotional and professional lives maybe in fear of being misunderstood or seen as selfish. As we struggle with setting these boundaries and making promises to ourselves, we watch others walk over us, take advantage of us or mistreat us. Some of us feel more guilt, some of us feel weak. Whatever the reason may be behind our failure of setting personal boundaries, we need to remind ourselves that if we do not have them, we will always have a hard time communicating with others.

So how do we handle this? There are easy steps to do it and we will talk about them now here.

1. Set your limits

When we find ourselves face to face with difficult situations or with difficult people, it is important for us to know where we stand. It is also important to know what we want and what we expect for ourselves and from others. Knowing where we stand and our goals will help us better identify our limits.

2. Listen to your gut feeling

When we trust our intuition, we can read between the lines, we can see things much sooner than others from a different perspective. Our intuition usually gives us early warning signs when something does not feel right or someone has negative energy. If you feel like something does not look or feel right trust your gut feeling. When you sense it, observe it carefully and identify the cause of the problem. This also helps for good opportunities since everything is not bad or negative. When you feel like something is right, eliminate your fears and concerns and be more positive and brave about taking the next step.

3. Meditate

We spend too much time living in the past or in the future. We let our worries, our resentments and fears overpower us sometimes, forgetting about what we have now and enjoying this very moment. Sometimes we let guilt and anger take over. We let negativity blind us and scare us. Think about how many opportunities you have missed. Maybe with a certain someone for a good relationship, because we were stuck in the past, trying to overcome the troubles of a prior relationship. Sometimes we miss a good opportunity at work because we are not ready to take the necessary steps. Sometimes we lack focus. One way to stop this is to practice mindfulness meditation. It keeps us grounded and it teaches us to live in the present moment. It enhances our focus and helps us organize our thoughts.

4. Speak your mind

If you do not let others know about your boundaries, they will never have a clue. Communication is the key. When you know exactly what you want and how you want it, do not hesitate to let others know your limits. When people understand where you are coming from, they will be able to communicate with you their limits as well. With the help of communication, you can easily find a common ground.

5. Keep a journal

Every time you feel like you are having a hard time maintaining your boundaries, write it down. Analyze why you are having a hard time. What have you missed when you found yourself face to face with a certain person or a certain situation? Were you weak? Were you worried? Were you afraid of being misunderstood or selfish? Write everything down and think and rethink about what you could do instead. Can you go back and fix the situation? Or what can you do differently next time to not find yourself in the same place? Writing these things will help you have better focus and courage next time you encounter similar situations.

6. Change your mind

Having boundaries does not make you a selfish person or a bad person. Remind yourself that it is perfectly fine and healthy to set boundaries and maintain them. Others have them. Think of how you see others with good strength when it comes to maintaining their own boundaries. Do you think of them as selfish or do you believe they are rigid? Of course there are people who are rigid and they have unreasonable demands but you are not one of them. Allow yourself to feel better about yourself for knowing your limits.

7. Respect others’ boundaries

If you think that your boundaries are reasonable and necessary but others’ are not as important as yours, you are not being realistic. It is only fair to show respect reciprocally as others are as important as you. Remember that respect goes both ways. If you lack showing respect to others then do not expect them to respect you either. However, recognize the difference between healthy boundaries and rigid boundaries. Rigid boundaries are selfish and they mostly come from people who tend to control others. When you identify them, you will also stop others from controlling you.

8. Be patient with yourself

Change does not come overnight. It takes time. Just like we need to exercise regularly to build muscles, you need to practice your boundaries on a regular basis. It is something new that we learn. Change is not easy. After all we are trying to reverse years worth of bad habits and we need to be patient and understanding with ourselves. We need to also show the same amount of understanding towards others as they may also be struggling to maintain their own boundaries and they also will need time to build strength.

9. Reward yourself and others

When we achieve something and we notice we made progress, the best way to celebrate it is to reward ourselves. It could be a little gift we buy for ourselves, a treat like a favorite dessert or drink. Why not? You have tried and it worked. It is a good feeling. Likewise, you can also reward others when you notice they are on the right path. Encouragement always helps us and sharing it with others only makes it bigger and better.

10 Signs You Have a Toxic Parent

10 Signs You Have a Toxic Parent

We all would love to think and believe that we have the perfect parents who do the best for us. But the reality can sometimes be far from that.

Unfortunately, neither our parents, nor their parents, and their grandparents so on and so forth have been perfect. We are humans and perfection is not in our genes. When we are raised, we are open to wounds from all angles and unfortunately sometimes these wounds come from people who are the closest to us: our parents. Sometimes these wounds are physical but most of the time, they are mental wounds. The kind that is hard to heal and the kind that leaves a permanent mark in our hearts and minds.

It is hard as a kid, no matter how old you are to deal with your parents flaws and negativity. It is hard as a child but it is just as much hard as an adult. But once we recognize them, and identify them, we can maybe find ways to work around them and maybe heal our wounds.

1. They are overly critical.

Constructive criticism is good and it helps us grow a thicker skin to fight in life and to be able to stand on our feet. However, criticism gets ugly when it is constantly negative and destructive. Is your parent doing this to you?

No matter how hard you try, all you ever hear is your flaws or how much harder you still have to work because you are not yet good enough? Do you ever feel like your parents are not able to see your progress and appreciate it? Do you feel like you are trying in vain? Then you are right to feel this way because you are being subjected to destructive criticism. Usually parents who did not achieve their goals tend to put a lot of pressure on their kids and want them to become people they once wanted to be but failed at it. Do not let this bring you down, just recognize that this is who they are and nothing you can ever do will change it. The truth is not that you are not good enough. They just do not have a heart to appreciate it.

2. They always put their feelings first.

In the middle of a conversation or an argument, you are trying to explain your feelings and your thoughts but the main topic suddenly shifts from your feelings to theirs and before you know it all you ever hear about is how your parent thinks and feels and you, as their kid, do not appreciate them and do not care about them. They might make you believe that you are selfish to think about yourself or to feel a certain way, because why not? You need to put your parents first, even before yourself. This is not true. Always remember that you are an individual, a human being with feelings and thoughts and no one else can be in your shoes. Even if it is your parent, you have to accept the fact that everyone’s thoughts and feelings matter. No one is more or less important than anyone else.

3. You are their parent.

There are households where the child has to take the role of a parent sometimes. It is an unfortunate thing, but it happens. Do you always run after your parent trying to stop them from doing something they should not be doing or do you need to take care of them because they do not want to take care of their own responsibilities? This can be as simple as cooking and cleaning or waking them up in the morning, or picking them up from places. But this can also mean taking charge mentally because your parent is not thinking as an adult or is not thinking rationally. A very undesirable situation but an existing one. No child should take the role of a parent growing up.

4. They constantly give you guilt and control you with material things.

Some parents, especially the ones who are overly critical, tend to give their kids guilt for the things they do or say. When a parent has issues with control, they tend to put guilt on others as a control mechanism. When they can not achieve this then they might try to control their kids by withholding money from them or taking away something that means a lot to the kid or something important that the kid is using on a daily basis. Unfortunately in cases like this, even if you fix one problem, the parent will find something else in order to give guilt and control the child.

5. They don’t respect your personal space.

How can you teach a child to respect others when as a parent you do not show them what respect looks and feels like? As a kid, they need to feel valuable and worthy enough to have their own personal space and their own privacy. When your parent constantly invades your personal space they will find every opportunity to let you know you can not have your freedom until you no longer live with them. But the truth is, they are invading your space no matter how old you are. Of course a parent should keep an eye on their kids but to do that in aggressive or sneaky ways will only open scars in a kid who is trying hopelessly to become an individual himself.

6. Their motives are selfish in nature

Alike to narcissists, a toxic parent will control every moment of your time with them. Motivated only by what serves them best. These types of parents or grandparents often engage in activities in which they prefer rather than listening to you and choosing to support the activities you prefer. Toxic parents tend to be more focused on presenting themselves to their friends and extended family as a “perfect family” yet lack acceptance patience, love and understanding of each others needs and wants.

7. They scare you

Toxic parents tend to scare even their adult children and are known to have ruled their homes by a fear based style and structure. You may find that these especially toxic ones scare even their adult children. As you grow older and become a parent yourself it is important to remember how you felt when you were a child in order not to repeat the same behaviour as the toxic parent in your life. If and when it is time for you to raise your own, always remember that fear does not equal respect!

The way you speak to your children becomes their inner voice. Speak with kindness. Always choose to have patience with your children and your family. After all the best gift you can give them is your time, your patience, your unconditional love and support. The world is rough enough, make home is a safe place. No matter their age, that they can always rely on when they need it most.

8. Zero Tolerance

A toxic parent lacks self-control and will have a tendency to lash out irrationally at any given moment. Toxic parents do not possess the patience and understanding needed to nurture their children to become emotionally intelligent most often because they too are misunderstood, with deep emotional wounds that have stunted their intellectual growth.

They rule with fear as mentioned above and have zero tolerance when working out the every day life’s problems. However, this fear that they are attempting to pour into you, is a sad attempt at getting you to listen to them all because they lack the tools needed to parent in a more loving and compassionate manner.

9. They have no boundaries

Toxic parents have difficulty understanding boundaries and thus, their children may also exhibit these same difficulties especially in their teenage years. Toxic parents as they grow older will also struggle with determining their role as grandparents, and will most predictably over-step their roles at every turn.

As we are known to be products of our own environments, setting healthy boundaries is essential throughout all of the stages of our lives.

10. A toxic parent is a child that never healed.

Please remember that your toxic parent is a child that never healed. They too would have been raised in the same manner in which they are now projecting on to you. Your toxic parent will have absorbed a similar parenting style and mannerisms as their parents before and quite simply, haven’t been shown a better way.

This does not excuse the behaviour which can be quite simply emotionally abusive, but merely sheds light on how good people are capable of parenting in a manner which does not serve the emotional and intellectual growth of their children.

Have you been raised by toxic parents thinking that some of their actions are normal and acceptable? Or were you able to easily identify the signs that give away the real cause behind their actions?

Leave your comments below!

15 Signs He’s Definitely Not The One for You

15 Signs He's Not The One For You

Who does not want to find Mr.Right and live happily ever after? Every woman wants to be treated good and feel safe in her relationship. Let’s say that you are with someone or you are thinking about carrying your relationship to the next level. Before you take that next step, stop and think about if he indeed is the right man for you and if you think he is not, what kind of signs would give it away? Here are 15 of them that will easily help you identify Mr.Wrong.

  1. His ego keeps getting in the way

You know because, he knows better, right? Not! A man who constantly points out your negative side, while puffing himself up or one whom fails to appreciate your efforts and thinks that he is better than you, is definitely not the one.

Do you really need this kind of ego in a healthy relationship? No, it certainly does not belong there. You need someone who will show you support. If he can not give you this security, he might not be the right one for you.

  1. You don’t trust him

Maybe you caught him in a few lies but you were hoping they were just little lies and nothing to worry about. Actually you are wrong. The right person would have no problem communicating with you even the hardest things and deepest secrets. If he thinks he needs to keep a part of his life separated and hidden from you, then he does not respect you enough to share everything with you and take down his mask to show his true face to you.

  1. That soul connection… where is it?

When you are really in love with someone, you feel a deep connection to them and they feel the same for you. It is like looking at each other’s eyes and communicating without words, being able to read each other’s body language and feeling safe enough to share your deepest thoughts and feelings. Quite simply you have that soul connection and It is a great feeling! It’s something you would notice naturally but if you feel like you are trying to force it, then chances are, you are forcing it.

  1. You bring out the worst in each other (mirroring)

Sometimes, there is an incredible physical attraction, and you are perfect in so many ways, but in many other ways, you are out to destroy each other whether intentionally or unintentionally. You treat each other in ways you would not expect yourself to treat someone else, or accept the same treatment from someone else, yet it happens with this person. Unless you are really determined to get to the bottom of it by exploring your own emotional wounds and healing them chances are, you are subjecting yourself to more damage than good, psychologically speaking.

  1. You don’t respect each other

We are expecting a certain kind of respect from a man but when it comes to us extending the same respect in return, how good are we? Before blaming the other party completely, let’s also take a look into ourselves and find out, why we treat this person the way we do or why do we tolerate the kind of disrespect he shows us? If there is no respect, there is no relationship because love can only go so far.

  1. You’ve weighed it out and there are one too many things to change. 

If you are feeling this way about a man, it means one thing: you are running after an idea of someone or an image of someone, not the actual person. There are things you need in your life, and you think this man can fulfill this void by changing a few things about himself. However, remind yourself that, just as you should not change a thing for anyone, you should also not expect or demand it from someone else either. Face the music and move on.

7. The little things are missing

Some men are romantic and some aren’t. When we say comfort we do not talk about a romance thing but more like a warm hug that feels sincere and safe, or a soft touch telling you to not worry. When you feel down, maybe a cup of tea he will make for you, all these little things. If you need him, and he turns around and walks away to be somewhere else rather than be with you, dump him already!

  1. Your raging fire has burned down to ash, what happened to the spark?

Maybe there are things you like about him that shows he is a nice man and has good qualities about himself, but that burning feeling you should feel inside that makes you shiver is not there. Physical harmony and connection are really two very important things in order to enjoy a satisfying relationship.

  1. He’s just not that into you

Maybe you do a lot of things together and spend time with loving fun activities. But when you look at his eyes, you do not see the sparkle. You feel like he does not desire you and sees you in a different way than a partner for whom he has passion and desire. If the source of fire isn’t there, you can’t really ignite it.

  1. Your gut feeling tells you something is off.

And please, please, please… listen to it. Do some research about him if you have to just to prove that you are not acting foolish or ignoring your intuition. But if something doesn’t sit well, we often feel it. Most of us do.

  1. You’re not your true authentic self around him

Going back to him criticising you or judging you too much, what do you do in return? You crawl back into your shell and hide your true self from him. You are starting to wear a mask. But why do you think you should invest time in someone who does not care about appreciating and accepting you for who you really are? If you have to act uncomfortable or you have to walk on your tippy toes around him or eggshells for lack of a better word, then he is not the right guy for you.

  1. He doesn’t mesh well

Sometimes when we are blinded by love we fail to see the flaws of a person but people who are close to us are in a better position to observe the situation. Listen to your friends. But sometimes, your guy does not like your friends because he feels threatened by them and he tells you that your friends are not fit for you, they are small-minded and they do not want to see you happy, so you should hang out with his friends. Beware beware beware… controlling man right in front of you. Please resist his power and do not give in.

  1. He’s all about himself.

It is always about him, what he wants, how he feels, where he wants to go, whom he wants to hang out with… but he doesn’t even stop and ask you how you are or even if he does it is obviously half-hearted he is not really interested in listening. You can do better than this, dump the selfish man and you will see that the real Mr.Right will make you feel wanted and cared for and he will give you his time without being begged for it.

  1. You make more of an effort than he does.

Sometimes some people just do not want to face the facts and they expect other people to find solutions to all problems, or they want the other party to handle everything. You dig deep when there is a problem, you initiate the conversation, you are ready to listen to him but he shuts you down or not being as cooperative as he should. This is a bad sign. You are dating a sponge technically.

  1. You imagine your life without him (fanticising)

Yes, you do. And there is nothing wrong with that. There is nothing wrong in admitting that you miss your freedom and you miss how your life was before him. You are in desperate need of finding yourself and rediscovering your life.

Always attracting negative relationships? Here’s why: 3 Reasons Why You Keep Attracting The Wrong Relationships

Want to learn to attract more positive relationships into your life? Here’s how to do it!

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This article 15 Signs He’s Not The One was originally published here at isoulscience.com August 8, 2016

10 Things You Need to Know About Loving an Introvert

In today’s society, where extroverted people are more accepted, introverted people always find themselves facing challenges to fit in. However, more and more people are beginning to understand that not all of us have to fit in the same mold and just because some people prefer quiet times alone, it doesn’t mean they are socially awkward, and do not care about other people’s emotions.

If you are an extrovert who found yourself in love and or dating an introvert, here are 10 tips that can help you understand them and make your relationship more enjoyable and actually help work things out between the two of you.

  1. Small talk oh small talk

It is what we do most of the time when we socialize with others, you know, talking about whether, a football game, so and so’s problems, gossips etc. Most of the time when we get together with other people it is perfectly acceptable with us to carry out conversations that don’t have deep meanings, in fact half of the time our hands and eyes are on our cellphones checking and updating our social media profiles. This is quite draining and boring for an introvert. Small talks like this are tiring and they don’t have a purpose for them. Usually when they find themselves in such situations they either find a way to quickly get out of them or if they can’t, they go home and they need days alone to recharge themselves.

By nature, introverts love conversations that actually go somewhere, conversations that carry new knowledge for them, that give them new areas to explore. They love to communicate on this level not because they think they are smarter than others but because that is what feeds them emotionally and mentally.

  1. Don’t call them or show up at their door unexpectedly

This includes useless (to them) text messages too. It is wiser to give them enough time to get themselves ready for the interaction with another human being. Introverts usually get stressed out and panicked when they unexpectedly find themselves in face to face or over the phone interactions. So if you want to plan a day out with them, don’t surprise them by ringing their doorbell saying, come on let’s go! Instead, make plans in advance and give them time to adjust to the upcoming event mentally. They will really appreciate it when they see you show respect to their privacy and it will make them respect you and trust you more. Because for them, it is a sign that you understand them and you are willing to make an effort to make them feel comfortable. It is a huge plus.

  1. They can’t go out with you every time you want it

Extroverted people usually jump from one thing to another seamlessly, and most of the time they don’t really need much time to get ready to go somewhere and meet people. When your partner is an introvert, they will surely try to make an effort to join you in certain occasions but there will be times where they will prefer time alone. Do not take it personal and do not let it upset you thinking they don’t care about you, your friends or the things that matter to you. It is simply not true. Extroverted people get their energy levels increased when they are out and about and with others, but it is the complete opposite for an introverted person. If you were able to convince your partner to go to a party with you, have the understanding that they might want to leave sooner, even if it means they have to leave without you. Give them the opportunity to be able to leave if they feel uncomfortable, tired and drained.

  1. Introverts are not socially awkward people

We know more today about how an introverted brain functions. They are not people you should be scared of, or sociopaths or people who hate everyone. In fact, introverts love and care about their family and friends just like everyone else. They should not be seen as someone you should keep your distance from because they appear to be a closed box. It just takes more time for them to open up and talk about themselves and show affection to others. There is nothing wrong with needing more time. It is also not an intelligence thing, or lack thereof. Introverted people pay more attention to what is going on around them and they are very good at analysing people because they love observing everything. They can give you great advice if you need it. Because you will see how much they actually know and notice about people and places and how accurate their observations can be. This surprises extroverts most of the time because they never expect this kind of accuracy from someone who barely interacts with others.

  1. Introverts are not rude

If your partner is an introvert, in time, when you get to know him/her you will see that they are not  emotionally unavailable people and they are not rude. They care about your feelings and they try their best to be there for you when you need them. In the beginning you might find their lack of communication as rude or careless, but this is the process they need to figure out who you really are and if you are someone they can trust enough to communicate with. Once you show them you are sincere, then they will enjoy spending time with you, open up to you and help you whenever you need them. They can be the best confidants in the world because they know what privacy means. They are in general very gentle souls who are worried about hurting others because they don’t want to get hurt themselves.

  1. Show them you really care

If you got to a point with an introvert where they are feeling comfortable enough to talk to you, then it means you made an effort to genuinely listen to them. For that, you deserve a big hug. The thing is, introverts immediately notice the difference between someone who really listens to them and someone who just pretends. Once they feel you are not really “there” but just physically present, they will immediately shut themselves down and just prefer to be alone.

  1. Find activities you can both do together

You can have fun and a real good time with an introverted partner. It just depends on what you do. If you pick activities that involve you and him/her and not others, they will prefer that over going to a party or a bar with you. You can exercise together, walks on the beach, watching a movie at home, travel to quiet destinations… possibilities are endless.

  1. Pick quiet places for dates

Instead of going to see a movie at a very busy time or going to a busy restaurant, try to pick low profile places like small restaurants, little cafes, time in nature. Crowded places drain them, they don’t feel comfortable when they are in the middle of a crowd at a restaurant or a bar. A concert may not be the best option. However if you pick a not so busy place for a dinner together, they will prefer it and they will have a good time with you.

  1. They need time to trust you

Sincerity is one of the most important things for introverts. They can smell fakeness from miles away. So give the the time they need to trust you so they can communicate with you comfortably.

  1. Respect their need for quiet alone time

This is just the way it is. They might tell you that they need to be alone for a little while. Do not see this as a sign of lack of interest. Do not take it personal. This is how introverts recharge themselves in order to find the courage and energy they need to interact with others. They find great comfort in their personal space and during their quiet, alone times.

Originally published here at isoulscience.com July 22, 2016

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10 Steps to Forgive Someone Who Has Hurt You

We are emotional beings. In the way we communicate with others, we constantly exchange emotions created by our words and actions. When someone who is close to us and for whom we deeply care does something that upsets us, or makes us angry, often we find ourselves dwelling with negative emotions and anger we find hard to overcome. When this feeling is at its peak, we know that we will never be able to forgive this person and every time we think about them the negative feelings will resurface.

On the other hand, when the anger and resentment eat us inside, we realize there needs to be a better way to deal with this before it causes irreversible damage. How do we forgive someone? How do we let go of anger and resentment so we can find a way to move on? Here are 10 steps that will enable you to overcome these negative thoughts and help you extend forgiveness to the person who has hurt you.

1.Leave the past behind. 

“Sometimes you don’t get closure, you just move on”

Whether we realize it or not, often times we live in the past. We need to learn to stop and appreciate the present moment while we can. Past is past and it should stay there. This does not mean we don’t learn from it and forget about it but it means we should take the lesson and use it wisely for our future. So stop, take a deep breath and realize what’s done is done and there is nothing you can do to change it. But there are many things you can do to not let it hurt you anymore. So your first step to forgiveness is to accept that past stays in the past.

2. Practice mindfulness meditation.

This special type of meditation teaches us how to be in the present moment and keep our focus on this very moment. It gives us relaxation and a sense of calmness that rejuvenates us from inside out. It is a great way to learn to let go of unnecessary thoughts and destructive emotions. It gives us awareness to use our 5 senses in a better way. It also keeps us grounded and regulates our breathing. As a result we feel less anxiety and less stress.

3. Write down your feelings.

This is the best way to understand why we feel what we feel. It is also a kind of self confession. When we write things down, we solidify them in a sense. This gives us the ability to take a step back and analyze ourselves like an outsider, a third-party if you will. It helps us approach the issues in a more objective way.

4. Figure out why you are letting this hurt you and make you angry so much.

Why are we more sensitive and less tolerant when it comes to certain things and what makes us stronger when it comes to other things? Deep down inside, there is a weak spot there. And it is there for a reason. With complete honesty, turn into yourself and ask yourself questions to find out why and when you answer them be as brave as you can. In the end, remember, you are doing this for yourself. For your own spiritual growth.

5. Take responsibility for your own actions.

When you start writing down why you are feeling so hurt and angry, also think about writing down what you think you might have done wrong that could possibly cause someone to act a certain way towards you. In the end, we are all connected through our emotions, energies, we are all one in the Universe and we communicate through vibrations. These vibrations go back and forth throughout the universe and each action creates a certain reaction. Before you put the blame entirely on someone else, look into yourself and analyze your actions too.

6. Accept that no one is perfect.

When it comes to our own actions, we find it easier to say “well I’m only human and I’m not perfect” but we are not as generous with others as we are with ourselves. Why should we expect perfection when perfection itself does not exist? Why should empathy and compassion be offered to us and why should we not try to offer it to others the same way we expect it shown to us? There is no doubt that in our minds and in our hearts we know that no one is perfect, it is only a matter of learning to put it into practice and be more patient and understanding when we deal with pain and anger.

7. Talk to someone else about your situation.

Sometimes we feel so overwhelmed it makes us feel stuck. Every time we try to take a step forward we find ourselves hitting a wall because we are so consumed by our pain and anger and this blocks our thought processing. Sometimes talking to someone else can help you because they might be able to make you see the bigger picture and show you options you didn’t realize were available to you. Talking to someone else also helps us release our tension and stress and gives us a friendly support that makes us feel not so lonely and desperate.

8. Let go of resentments and grudges.

“I forgive people, that doesn’t mean that I accept their behaviour or trust them. I forgive them for me so I can let go and move on with my life”

Stop and think for a minute how much energy you put into this. Do you realize how holding grudges and feeling resentments will suck up your energy? The energy you can put into good use for yourself and for the Universe. The energy that can help you get through your day instead of making you feel down and unhappy. Transform this energy into something positive and you will see how much it will change your life and the way you perceive things. You will feel the weight lifted off of your shoulders and you will feel the relief from letting go. Think of yourself as a feather floating in the air, you are weightless and you are peaceful. Forgiving is good for your peace of mind, it does not make you a weaker person, it makes you a stronger one.

9. Do not wish bad things upon anyone.

In the midst of anger and pain, we sometimes find ourselves doing this. We want revenge, we want to somehow get even. We can not control our thoughts and emotions and end up wishing bad things upon the person who hurt us. But remember, everything we give, comes back to us. One of the rules of karma. Use your energy to wish good things for that person and ask the Universe to show them the right way so they can understand what they did and get a chance to fix things. You need to do this wholeheartedly and honestly. In the end, we can’t fight fire with fire, it will only make the fire grow.

10. Let time pass and when it feels right, communicate with that person.

It is hard to communicate when our emotions dominate us because in that moment we care more about being heard than listening. We might say things we don’t really mean and we can never take them back. When this happens, take time out, however long it takes. Sometimes it might be a few hours, sometimes a few years, depending on how we handle things. When you feel the time is right and if the other person is willing too, sit down and communicate and explain how you felt and how much you were hurt and why. Talk to them openly but also listen to them without judgement, put yourself in their shoes and see things from their point of view as well. Nothing can take the place of a mature, compassionate conversation where both parties are willing to help and understand each other.

Originally published here at isoulscience.com July 14, 2016

5 Things Sociopaths and Narcissists Say to Make You Feel Crazy

5 Things Sociopaths and Narcissists Say to Make You Feel Crazy

When you hear the word “psychopath”, you might think of Hannibal Lecter or Ted Bundy, but most psychopaths are actually non-violent and non-incarcerated members of society. In fact, there’s a good chance they’ll seem exceptionally altruistic and innocent to the average onlooker.

As described in the Psychopath Free book, psychopaths are first and foremost social predators. With no conscience, they’re able to use charm and manipulation to get what they want from others—whether it be families, friendships, relationships, cults, the workplace, or even politics. The bottom line is, they modify their personalities to become exactly the person they think you want them to be. And they’re good at it.

But when they no longer need anything from you, that’s when the crazy-making behavior begins. Here are some common phrases you’ll hear from a psychopath who’s trying to make you doubt your sanity:

1. “You over-analyze everything.”

Of course there are people who DO read too much into situations. The difference with psychopaths is that you’ll always discover you were correct in retrospect. They intentionally do things to make you feel on-edge or paranoid, like flirt with a once-denounced ex over social media for the whole world to see. When you question them, they accuse you of over-analyzing the situation. But then a month later, you discover they were actually cheating with that person. Psychopaths want you to doubt your intuition by making you feel like a crazy detective, constantly planting hints to make you feel anxious and then blaming you for having that anxiety.

2. “I hate drama.”

And yet, you’ll soon come to discover there’s more drama surrounding them than anyone you’ve ever known. Psychopaths will first idealize you above everyone else, praising you for your perfect easy-going nature. But because they are perpetually bored, this never lasts long. They are pathological liars, serial cheaters, and eternal victims. Before long, these qualities inevitably start to surface and cause you overwhelming confusion. Any time you mention your concerns or frustration, they’ll declare their hatred of drama and make you feel bad for reacting to their horrible behavior (instead of addressing the behavior itself).

3. “You’re so sensitive.”

Psychopaths manufacture emotions in others—it’s what they do. After once showering you with 24/7 praise and flattery, they’ll ignore you for days on end and wait for you to react. When you finally do, they’ll accuse you of being sensitive or needy. They’ll insult, belittle, and criticize you (usually in a teasing/joking demeanor), pushing your boundaries until you finally speak up. Then they use your manufactured reactions to make you seem crazy. Within weeks, psychopaths can turn an exceptionally easy-going person into an unrecognizable mess of insecurities and self-doubt.

4. “You misunderstood me.”

Sure, healthy couples have misunderstandings and miscommunications all the time. But with psychopaths, they’ll intentionally say things they know will provoke you. Then when you react, they’ll turn it around on you and blame you for misunderstanding. Oftentimes, they’ll even deny that they ever said it. This is called gaslighting—blatantly doing or saying something, and then blaming you for misinterpreting it (or denying that it even took place). The fact is, you understood what they said perfectly fine. They’re just trying to make you doubt your sanity.

5. “You’re crazy / bipolar / jealous / bitter / in love with me.”

The name-calling usually starts when things are going downhill fast. According to a psychopath, all of their ex lovers, colleagues, and friends are crazy, bipolar, jealous, bitter, or in love with them. This becomes very confusing when they start reaching out to those very same people they once denounced to you, using them to triangulate and cause chaos (making the psychopath appear in high-demand at all times). Then they toss you in that very same “crazy” bucket, continuing their never-ending cycle of idealizing and devaluing anyone unfortunate enough to cross their path.

The only way out is to go No Contact. This means no texts, calls, emails, or even Facebook friendships. Otherwise you can be guaranteed that they’ll do anything and everything in their power to make you feel crazy. The good news is, when a psychopath tries to make you doubt your intuition, it means your intuition was causing them trouble. Psychopaths seek to psychologically destroy anyone who might threaten their illusion of normalcy to the world. So when they begin playing mind games with you, it’s actually a strange indirect tribute to your ability to notice that something was “off” about them.

This quick 13-question quiz can help you determine if you might know a psychopath:

Original Article 

6 Simple Ways to Deepen Your Connection With Others

6 Simple Ways to Deepen Your Connection With Others

Life and everything in the universe is one and connected. In fact, recent developments in quantum physics show us how we are all vibrating energies, not made of matter as we see it with our naked eyes, and there is much more to the Universe than that! Although it sounds complicated, it is actually much simpler when you learn to recognize the reality of cause and effect. Just like the butterfly effect, our actions, which are also vibrations, cause changes in everything and everyone around us and this is just small part of what we like to refer to as karma, or you reap what you sow, if you will.

So, in this chaotic world, where the problems seem to get bigger and solutions appear complicated, what can we do to make things better? How can we help one another to make positive changes and raise our vibrations on a collective level?

The best thing to practice is compassion and love, which can be improved by learning to channel each other. This builds a bridge between us to recognize and respect each other’s thoughts, beliefs, ideas, but most importantly our emotions; here’s how to do it.

  1. Love and respect yourself. Everything starts within you. What you feel about yourself holds a mirror to the people around you and you reflect your own self onto others with your actions and with the way you treat them. If you lack self respect, you will find it hard to respect others. If you don’t love yourself, you will not be able to see the good in others but instead you will first notice people’s flaws and their negativity. Believe in yourself and believe you have the power to make a change turning your negative vibrations into positive ones.
  1. You are not the only one. Thoughts, ideas, emotions, feelings are not copyrighted. Whatever goes inside you, goes inside someone else too. We all have the same feelings, we all fall in love, we all feel sad when something bad happens, more or less we all think of the same things. When something bad happens to you, remember that you are not alone. Bad things happen to all of us no matter how poor or rich one can be. And good things happen to all of us too. We all have our own insecurities, there are things that hurt all of us. Once we recognize we are all one and the same, we can appreciate and respect others for who they are and how they feel. This is a big step in learning compassion for others and to channel people.
  1. Recognize your mistakes and flaws. When we turn into ourselves to see how our actions affect others, we will find a better way to identify how deep of an impact they have in the Universe. This requires honesty. Being honest with ourselves is important in order to accept that we are simple human beings who are not perfect. We can make mistakes and intentionally or unintentionally we can hurt others. Understanding where these mistakes and flaws are coming from is another step forward to channeling people because only then, can we show patience and acceptance to other people’s actions. Denying our negativity and imperfection will only make us look other people with the same level of denial.
  1. Listen to others. How can we talk about compassion if we don’t listen to others? If you think about the way people “communicate”, or pretend to communicate to be honest, you will see we don’t really listen to each other but we usually wait for the right moment to interject only to shift the focus back to ourselves or say something to be the leading one in the conversation. We think about our replies before they finish what they have to say, while they are talking we are already judging them for the way they feel or act. Can we leave all these judgements aside and forget about shifting the focus back to ourselves and actually listen to what someone has to say? Not just listen but hear with our hearts not with our minds? Have you ever experienced a very close friendship with someone to whom you can tell your deepest secrets and seen that they can still love you the same way? If so, you know how good this feels. But this is not just about trust, this is also about giving someone else the time they deserve, the respect and compassion they need when they are trying to communicate with us. We need to learn to keep our hearts open and not shut the other person down without showing love and care.
  1. Put yourself in someone else’s shoes. Criticizing others is the easiest thing to do. We often find ourselves saying things like “if it was me, I would not do this but I would do that”, “how could so and so do such a thing, it is the worst thing to do in this situation, if it was me….” If it was you… if it was me… If… This is very connected to how good of a listener we are when we communicate with others. We often act from our own perspective and our point of view and respond from that angle as well. But have we really been in their situation? Can we really relate? Under similar circumstances would we do what we think we would do or would we stumble like they did? So learn to go to the other side of the mirror and look at your friend’s situation from a different perspective. You might be surprised of the thoughts and emotions you will discover about yourself and about them at the same time. Most importantly, you will be able to understand where they are coming from if you put your judgements and your ego aside.
  1. The power of forgiving. Holding grudges will hurt you more than it will give you peace of mind. It will hurt not only you but to the other person as well since we are all connected with the vibrations we spread around. You will not only lose your inner balance but you will also temper with the balance of your surroundings and of the people around you. When you know you are not perfect, you will also know no one else is perfect. There is nothing wrong with forgiving someone for what they did. But there is so much peace in letting go and so much comfort in giving someone another chance. But also openly and respectfully communicating with them and helping them understand how their actions can cause unpleasant effects. If you do this with a positive approach, instead of anger, you will make a change in that person’s life and who knows maybe you will be the first person to really show them how this can be done. And if you can, this would be a great achievement and well worth your time and effort.

Did you find this helpful? Pass it On!

Originally published here at isoulscience.com July 11, 2016

11 Things You Should Never Say to Someone With Anxiety

11 Things You Should Never Say to Someone With Anxiety

We all have someone in our lives who suffer from anxiety and panic attacks. A family member, a friend, our partner… When you are not dealing with anxiety, it is not easy to see things from the other person’s perspective. We are not born with the tools to deal with this, we learn to recognize the symptoms and deal with them as we experience them. But are we really helping our loved one who is suffering from anxiety? Sometimes when we think we are helping we might be making the complete opposite and unintentionally cause the situation get worse. None of us would want that of course. So how do we approach to someone with anxiety? Knowing what not to say, is a good start. Here are 11 things you should never say to someone with anxiety:

1. It’s all in your head. Actually it is not. Scientific researches show that disorders like general anxiety, depression, panic attacks are caused by hormonal imbalances in our brains. It is a chemical imbalance and has nothing to do with someone’s personality or ability or the lack of ability to cope with situations.

2. Calm down, you always stress too much! Anxiety is not caused by stressful situations. It can be triggered by them but one can be perfectly fine one moment and the next minute they can go into a full blown anxiety attack. To an outsider, this is a mystery as they try to figure out what could have possibly happened to cause such an attack.

3. It’s not a big deal, stop overreacting. By telling this to someone with anxiety, you are not helping them, instead you are making them feel worse, because they think they are doing something wrong. This only increases their anxiety as they hopelessly try and find a way to cope with it.

4. Just try to sleep and everything will be fine. During an anxiety attack, a person’s heart rate goes high. Most of the time, laying down makes the situation worse as they feel their heart beat in their throat quite frankly. The tightness and heaviness they feel in their chest might get worse when they lay down. Some people actually feel better when they move around to the pace of their hearts until they physically get tired and the attack slowly fades away.

5. There is nothing to be afraid of you can do it! An encouragement that will fall on deaf ears. There is no way you can convince someone with anxiety that they could do it only if they were not chickening out of something. This could be a social situation, which is known as social anxiety, a phobia they need to overcome, a simple task for you but it requires a lot of effort for them.. Do not force them to be in your own shoes or expect them to think like you. When you approach a person this way, you only validate their fear and anxiety by making them feel lesser and guilty for not having enough courage. The fact is, it is beyond their control.

6. Did I do something wrong? No, you did not, and it is not about you anyway. Please do not give them one more thing to worry about and make them feel bad for making you feel bad. Yes, you have all the good intentions when you ask this question but it doesn’t go the way you think it will. So beware.

7. I have been through this too, I know exactly how you feel. Unless you really know how it feels, do not try to empathize with them this way. They are having an anxiety attack but they are not stupid, you can not fool someone by showing empathy when you can’t really relate.

8. You have no reason to be anxious, there are people who have worse lives than you. Ouch! That burns. Of course there are people and situations that are in much worse conditions but each individual is unique and they want to feel that way too. The last thing someone with anxiety needs is someone else making them feel like they are not important enough or their problems or conditions are not important enough. A person who suffers from anxiety is not acting in a way that makes them seek more attention because they are self centered. On the contrary, they do not want to be the center of attention at all because it makes them feel much worse. By comparing people and situations you minimize their physical problem.

9. I’m stressed out too! Great, now it makes two of you. What you are trying to say when you say that is “hey look at me, I am as stressed as you are but I am not acting like a fool”. The message that goes across only tells them they are weaker for the way they feel and act. It is not a good place to be. Please do not try to compare yourself and the way you handle the situations to their medical condition.

10. Try to think of something nice and don’t focus on anxiety right now. This is sort of like giving a toy to a crying toddler to distract them so they stop crying. In real life, when someone is having an anxiety attack they can not control it and they can’t simply snap out of it and focus on something entirely different. With your suggestion, they will panic even more because they won’t know what else to focus on.

11. Everything will be fine, don’t worry. Well, of course, once the attack is under control that is. But it doesn’t give the much anticipated reassurance one needs during the attack. Instead of saying this just let them go through what they are going through.

The best way you can help them is by just trying to listen to them and let them describe their situation. And sometimes, silence is golden and a long warm hug says so much more than words. Because it makes them feel loved, accepted and not alone.

Originally published here at isoulscience.com July 5, 2016

featured image credit www.theodysseyonline.com

10 Things You Should Know When Loving An Empath

by Aimee Halpin,
The Burned Hand

I once called the insurance phone number to ask a question. An hour later, the woman had shared her whole life story with me and I am not sure she ever answered my question, but I made her feel better. What is an empath anyway and did I just make that up? There are probably thousands of stories like this for me, but I want you to think about times you have interacted with someone and felt all the same feelings they have…or perhaps they have told you things you just didn’t really need to know.

My entire life, I have felt different. I think I have tried really hard to keep a lid on it all until the last 5 years. Derived from the Greek “em” (in) and “pathos” (feeling), the term empathic means I am able to “feel into” others’ feelings. At first, I thought I was just using my computer skills to really know what to post on my fan page for the blog. I always seemed to post just the right quote for my real-life friends, and my page continued to grow that way.

After a while, people began to really identify with my story, and came to me for answers. I continued to grow my client list in my all-natural supplement business Vitalize Youbecause I could get to the root of what the client needed. I learned that I felt what my client was saying to me and within a few short conversations, seriously knew what they needed to do whether it was on the phone or through messaging. I could pick up on vibrations.

10 Things You Notice Near an Empath

1. Please take what we say seriously. If you ask us for advice, even if it sounds crazy, there is some truth in it. We just know things and it bothers the heck out of us when you ask us for advice and don’t listen. Sometimes things makes sense to us long before they make sense to you…and that includes “coincidences” that aren’t really a coincidence at all.

2. Lies have no place in any conversation with us ever. The surest way to ruin a friendship with an empath is to continue lying to them. It’s just sad really because there is no point and it has been really painful for me personally. I have had to look into the eyes of a close friend and see the hesitation for a split second and I literally felt the lie as it slipped over my skin. I can’t explain it and I don’t want to. It is one of my most uncomfortable traits to not be able to turn off.

3. Any national tragedy is unbearable…no matter how far away. I wrote a post after Sandy Hook Elementary School was in the news and to this day I can’t read about it. Period. I become the pain in a way I can’t explain to other people. Plus, I was also a teacher. I can’t “unfeel” so the less I know, the better.

4. They always look tired. I love everyone, I do. But stop asking me why I have dark circles under my eyes. They have been there my whole life. Many empaths get diagnosed with chronic fatigue because they don’t know how to shield themselves properly from energy vampires. This is a work in progress for many.

5. Healing often becomes their way of life. My friend called me the bridge the other night. I was like interesting. I am the bridge. I see what needs to be done and I just suggest it for others. Whether it is tests, home remedies, alternative methods, exercise, nutrition, or holistic therapy suggestions, I just see it. It is how I approached my own care and came up with my wellness program, and it is how I have helped hundreds of others. It is my job to bridge the gap between modern medicine and what needs to be done in your body.

6. They might get distracted easily and daydream. This is really true as I can feel some currents and go off on some other task. This is one of the reasons I have to stay organized as best I can.

7. Living a lie would be damn near impossible. If someone asks me to do something I don’t like…I find a way to procrastinate. However, the procrastination might just be my intuition saying you really have to tell them no. Likewise, when someone asks me to do anything at all like “covering up for them” or “lie for them” I have a hard time holding in my anger at this type of behavior.

8. No room for narcissism at all. I was asked to be in this group of people who were fawning all over someone. I thought I was going to lose my shit on all of them because the guy shows how much money he has, what he drives, how many people “love” him, and it is the biggest act I have ever seen. Things nobody has time for. THAT. My BS meter is way too high.

9. The love of animals is strong within us. Most empaths love their animals as if they are furry children and would do anything for them. Anything. So just know that if you don’t like our animals…we know and you won’t last long around us.

10. Empaths need laughter daily. We are connected to our bodies, sometimes. Mostly, we are in our heads. BUT you can help us by asking us to live in the moment with you. To laugh. To get out of the house if we are in hermit mood, because sometimes the world is too much for us to take. We need to remember what it’s like to be connected.

I can’t say that this is your friend…or you, but if you identify with all of these things, then yes, you probably know what it’s like to be an empath. I unfortunately mean what I say as I utter“I feel your pain.” I always appreciate my close friends understanding this of me and giving me the space to breathe and recharge.

About the author: Aimee Halpin is a former educator, mother, and fighter of obscure diseases (namely her own). She has been fighting invisible diseases for 17 years. She started her blog The Burned Hand to help others fight illness and still maintain hope. You can also find her on Facebook here.

source: in5d.com

12 Things You Should Know When Loving a Strong Woman

12 Things You Should Know When Loving a Strong Woman

There are those who like to point out that we live in a modern age. An age where women are allowed to vote, have equal rights and can work to acquire their own income. Many people think that because of the times we live in, that this has brought a new generation of strong independent women…..

I’m really not sure how or why this is being brainwashed into people…. Women have always been strong, this isn’t a new phenomenon!

12.You must match her level.

Strong women know that balance is key to successful relationship and they won’t settle for anyone who isn’t a vibrational match. Whatever she does, she gives it her all, and she expects you to do the same. While your strengths might not be the same as hers, she appreciates what she saw in you from the beginning and wants you to always drive yourself.

11. She can express how she really feels

12 Things You Should Know When Loving a Strong WomanA strong woman knows that there is no point in beating around the bush when it comes to how she really feels. Holding things in won’t serve you or her and she is able to tell you what is bothering her, no game playing.

10. She expects you to pull your weight

The last thing a strong woman needs is potato couch. A strong woman is driven, her goals are clear and she is focused. So get off the couch or she will leave you right where you sit.

9. She is secure in herself

A strong woman isn’t afraid to show her true colours and she is proud of who she is, no matter the hell she has been through. Because of this stability she has a tendency to make others feel insecure about their own path, and so you’d better have yourself figured out before you go looking for a relationship with her.

8. She will hold things for you

A strong woman, is strong inside and out. She knows when your plate is full and you can’t handle anything else. A strong woman will hold some of your emotional burdens until the point where she feels you are ready to face them for yourself.

7.She doesn’t mind being alone

A strong woman knows the difference between being alone and lonely. She has mastered herself and won’t enter into a relationship until she has overcome the “need for
someone”. A strong woman will choose you to share her life with you, and it is your choice to share yours.

“Don’t be the kind of woman who needs a man, be the kind of woman a man needs”.

6. She has strong morals and values

A strong woman has found the balance between logical thinking and following her heart. She is compassionate, generous and courageous. A strong woman knows when she is being taken advantage of and won’t stand for it, even for a minute. A strong woman knows her limits and stays true to herself ensuring that she doesn’t indulge in things that will insult her soul.

5. Her conversations are full of depth

A strong woman looks beyond simple pleasantries, and small talk. While she is naturally gifted at it, she wants to see beyond your words to look a little deeper. Strong women find intelligent conversations stimulating and can’t get enough when it comes to learning new things.

4. She isn’t afraid to be vulnerable.

5 Things You Should Know When Loving a Strong Woman“Vulnerability is the corner-stone of confidence”.  A strong woman is confident and this confidence has been manufactured by strategically placing herself in situations that made her muster her courage in order to achieve greatness.

These happenings would have left her vulnerable, as she awaited the response, judgement and criticism of others. A strong woman recognizes that it takes putting yourself out there in order to move yourself forward, no matter how many times you fall flat on your face.

3. She won’t stick around because she has to.

A strong woman doesn’t fall for guilt trips. She has a forgiving heart, but knows all too well that too many “I’m sorry’s” without a behaviour change is a clear sign that its time for her to continue on her way.

“Sometimes I’m sorry isn’t enough, you actually have to change”.

2. She respects herself and you had better too.

A strong woman holds the same level of respect for others as she does herself. Disrespect her, and you are only hurting yourself.

1. A strong woman knows when to be weak.

The strongest women I have ever known are the women who have completely destroyed themselves in order to rebuild from a blank canvas.

The strongest women know when its time to lay down her sword, take off her mask and let her soul cry out in surrender. A strong woman knows when it is time to cocoon herself so that she may undergo the metamorphosis and emerge from her chrysalis to fly on the wings of new life. A strong woman knows that in her greatest weakness, she will also find her greatest strength.

by LJ Vanier,

This article 12 Things You Should Know When Loving a Strong Woman was Originally published here at isoulscience.com April 10, 2016 

featured image credit puckermob.com

10 Strong Signs You’ve Found Someone From Your Soul Group

10 Strong Signs You've Met Someone From Your Soul Group

Soul groups incarnate together with a specific task, a mission to uphold and when we connect with each of them, we collect a piece of the puzzle.

Soul groups may also incarnate with the purpose of helping each other wake up. To break through the veil and release the illusion of separateness and each soul group works together to achieve this. It is up to each member to uphold their duty to serve each other.

When you find a member of your soul group… just know that your life is about to go through some radical changes, and major transformations that serve your higher good.

Here are the strongest signs that you should pay attention to:

10. They strengthen your intuition. 

When you spend time with someone from your soul group, your heart chakra begins to activate due to the harmonious subtle energy exchange. No matter the words spoken, you will feel what they are thinking from the heart. Words become obsolete, as if you don’t even need to speak as most communication is on the energetic intuitive level.

9. Immediate Connection

A member of your soul group will resonate with you immediately, you will feel comfortable and secure and will recognize their energy signature.

8. It’s easy to forgive

As much as we all like to say that we can forgive quickly, sometimes it takes time to forgive others for their transgressions. This because, it’s harder to understand the intentions of others whom we don’t connect with as deeply as we do our soul group.

We can forgive members of our soul group more quickly because we already “exist inside of their heart”. We understand the intentions behind their words, and the motives behind their actions.

7. Nothing is off-limits

You aren’t afraid to say how you really feel to each other and you are able to be completely authentic around them. Those goofy voices you make when you are alone at home or the silly things you did when you were a kid that you thought were funny, will come out around people from your soul group. You’re comfortable enough to lay it all out on the table. What you think is funny, they think is funny too.

6. They mirror you.

Every member of your soul group will bring out certain aspects of yourself. Some will bring out positive hidden traits and qualities that you had long forgotten, while others will serve as your guide in illuminating your darker aspects and hidden influences that need to be brought forward for healing.hippie-chickies

5. You just can’t get enough.

Spending time with members of your soul group gives you boundless amounts of energy. You feel like you are resonating so high you could fly to the moon, everything is possible. There is always an equal exchange of energy and you never feel drained.

4. Programmed similarities

The closest members of a soul group will share similar upbringings. You may have been raised in the same religion, ethnicity or family profession. All which promote similar growth that aligns with the overall mission of the group.

3. You don’t manipulate each other

Soul groups aren’t ferociously competitive and if they are its friendly fire. No member aims to “one up” the other or win the race. Each member takes pleasure in seeing the others succeed in all of their goals. Soul groups have no need to manipulate another in order to gain supremacy, the entire purpose of the group is harmony.

2. Timing is everything

Unlike a twin flame, where the timing can be off “the first go around”, your soul group comes in divine timing. They are there exactly when you feel you have completely given up hope, lost your way or are questioning everything. Your soul group can also come as a complete surprise, one that you might not have been even looking for. But when they leave…

1.They serve as a catalyst

Arguably, the majority of spiritual awakenings come after an intense amount of pain and suffering.

Serving as your personal catalyst for rebirth, spiritual awakening and evolution of consciousness, the departure of your soul group is the most excruciating pain you will ever feel. Alike to falling into the pits of utter darkness, with no bottom…

Yet, it’s all exactly according to scale. The darkness you feel, is the deep layers of your own emotional karma and this intense separation conjures the entirety of all that is to be healed. As healing, is the only path to freedom of spirit.

by LJ Vanier,

(0) You know will reunite with them again. 😉

This article 10 Strong Signs You’ve Found Someone From Your Soul Group Was originally published here at isoulscience.com April 4, 2016.

12 Signs You’re Disrespecting Yourself (and How to Stop)

12 Signs You're Disrespecting Yourself (and How to Stop)

by LJ Vanier,

“How people  treat other people is a direct reflection how they feel about themselves” – Paulo Coehlo

Every relationship we have, can be viewed as a reflection of the relationship we have with ourselves and setting the tone for the right relationships, lies heavily upon us. By trusting ourselves, listening to our own thoughts, feelings and emotions, we become more authentic and this gives us the wonderful opportunity to become comfortable in our own skin. Yet, when we are not comfortable with who we are, we project onto others, what we cannot accept of ourselves.

12. You are “judgy”.

“Life is a mirror and will reflect back to thinker what he thinks into it” – Ernest Holmes

Remember that each time you lash out against someone, whether it is behind their back or to their face, you are meeting an aspect of your own shadow. So turn those words back around, because what you just said, is exactly what you need to heal, accept and alchemize within you. Tongue lashing someone with crude remarks is a sure sign that you’re not comfortable in your own skin; you’re too hard on yourself and you lack self-acceptance. When we judge others, not only are we bringing forward an aspect of ourselves, we are unknowingly hurting someone else, based on our own perception of the world in how we see others.

11. You seek validation from others.

We seek attention and validation from others when there is something missing. A void that needs to be filled, and without the proper tools and the introspection to understand and alleviate the cause, we search for an external reaction. You are the cause and the reaction. What you seek in the world is already within you, you already know the answer because you asked the question. Measure yourself by your own standards and set the bar high because you’re worth it.

10. You put yourself last.

Doing things for others can bring us joy and satisfaction, but there is a sacred selfishness that we can’t afford to ignore. When we over-indulge in giving our time, our energy and our good nature, we may think that there’s no harm but be warned, like a car we can’t run on empty and we all need a refill. 

9. You repetitively do things you dislike.

Whether it’s a job, a lifestyle or a relationship, continuing on in the same energetic cycle that doesn’t serve your higher good is not only unhealthy, it can cause mental and emotional conditions such as anxiety and depression. If you find yourself feeling like you are stuck on the rat wheel, you already know its time to get off. It will not do you any good now or later, so trust that something better will be waiting for you around the next corner, and it will.

8. You’re angry.

“Anger is a sign that something needs to change” – Mark Epstein

What is anger? where does it come from? and why does it have the ability to boil our blood so much!

A face of the ego, anger can come knocking for a variety of reasons. Anger is a sign that you aren’t satisfied with your current situation, whether it be emotionally or psychologically. To be plain, your basic needs are not being met and your ego “I” is letting you know loud and clear that you need to serve yourself a little better.

7. You let others have too much say in your life.

“Can you remember who you were, before the world told you who you should be?” -Danielle Laporte

Whether its our parents, our friends, coworkers or our bosses, we are always getting advice from somewhere, (whether we are asking for it or not is a different story.) The point is to entertain a thought without accepting it. Feel for yourself if what you are being told resonates with you, the real you, the child that has hopes and dreams for itself. Be mindful of what you allow into your decision-making, this is your life and you are the only one living it.

6. You tell white lies.

Even the smallest fib, is a reflection of your own self-confidence. Never lower yourself to try to impress someone else. Be you, be real, you are enough just as you are. Anyone who can’t respect the truth, isn’t worth your time.

5. You mask your emotions.

Since I was young, I have always viewed feelings and emotions as separate. I understood that my emotions were based on instances where I had been hurt or wronged and transgressed due to often confusing and difficult times in my life. Whereas my feelings were much different in that they were a clear inner knowing of who I truly was, what I supposed to do and served as my guidepost of light in the darkest of times.

Too often though, I see others unable to differentiate between the two and choose to mask everything that they are feeling due to the inability to comprehend, or the fear of what they might find buried and hidden away in the hidden closets of the mind.

In an attempt to drown emotions, we flush away our elevated instincts (intuition) by use of alcohol, drugs, cigarettes and anything else that can be used as a distraction, keeping us from dealing directly with what is at hand. And the greatest tragedy of the matter, is that when we chose to forget the bad, we also forgot the good.

4. You can’t take the bad with the good.

You can’t add anymore water to your cup if it is already full. When we are unable to release past experiences, by working through them emotionally, psychologically and spiritually we feel like we just can’t take another bad, or we think to ourselves, “if anything else happens I just can’t take it”. Naturally, we seek out the fun-filled aspects of life and negate all responsibility. Quite often, this is known as a mid-life crisis. It’s all of things that we’ve been avoiding for so long and they will always at some point work their way forward. Whenever we are ready to stop running and surrender to our own pain and suffering, we can release its hold on us and we are ready to take on anew. Empty your cup.

“it is my solemn declaration that the entire purpose of suffering is to awaken the soul”

3. You’re hard on yourself.

It is my personal belief that self-acceptance and humility fall hand in hand. While there are many people who believe that we all make mistakes, I am not one of them. That is to say, we are perfect just as we are. If someone is going to keep score– stop. Life is about learning and growing, not tallying our karma, and when we can forgive ourselves for the things we didn’t know then, that we know now, we ascend into love and acceptance of self and release the burden.

It’s a weight you’ve been carrying too long, drop the bag.

2. You don’t trust your intuition.

We all have instincts. A flash of insight or an inner voice that guides our decision-making process, but it is your choice whether or not to listen. Make the one that serves you first.

1.You’re not following your heart.

Your heart knows long before your conscious mind has had time to process your feelings. You will always get a soft nudge, an internal knowing, whether you should or should not proceed in any of life’s situations. Yet, it is common that this nudge is overlooked; usually buried by emotional triggers of the brain, that cloud the mind, and steer you off course. It usually why it said that we should never make a hasty decision, and it is dead on. Always give yourself the time to separate your feeling or inner knowing from your emotions and once you have, trust yourself. Trust your instincts and trust in knowing that in life and in love, it always finds a way.

by LJ Vanier,

Originally published here at isoulscience.com March 8, 2016